Being innocent and having eyes that children wear can be a burden, unless of course they save you from a tight situation. Having innocent eyes usually turn you to a side that’ll benefit you with uplifting emotions. And, like me all through elementary, those were that only eyes I had. I was a very small child who always listened to what he was told to do, even if a peer told me to do something. Of course, if it was morally correct, I’d follow. I had two best friends in third grade around a time where I hardly even knew what a friend even was. Their names were Maya, and Ira, and one of them stuck with me till the end of elementary. Maya was a slightly taller guy with short, black, curly hair, with a tan shade of skin. Ira was an even taller kid with blond, short hair with white skin. They were both kind hearted people, but Maya had more etiquettes and loved to draw, while Ira was more of a jock who didn’t really show much respect for anybody. All in all though, they were my best friends and were kind at heart.
One day though, while playing tag during an early recess, around lunch time, something conflicting happened that I didn’t register as “important”. The day was a clear day where the sky was overcast, and the light was dimmed to a dark bluish-gray color. Construction was being done on the playground where the bars were, but during recess, we were playing on the large grass area aside from the construction. A tree to the back of the grass area, away from all the kids, was the area we all used to play. It was just a normal play of tag with Maya, Ira and I, until... “Hey! You cheated!” Ira exclaimed. Maya touched home base after apparently being tagged by Ira.
“No I didn’t! I touched base!” replied Maya. “You saw me, right Matthew?”
No! You cheater! I tagged you, now you’re it!” Ira continued furiously. “What do you think Matthew?”
I turned toward both opposing friends as they stared back at me awaiting an answer. Now, I chose without understanding why I chose, and till this day, I still don’t know why. I felt really awkward because I was very empathetic and didn’t want to hurt anyone’s feelings, and little did I know, that whoever I chose, would lead me down two totally different roads. If I chose Maya, I’d be an artist because I’d be playing with him more often. He drew a lot and doodled when he could. With his morally correct attitude, it would shape me into a person of manners. On the other hand though, if I chose Ira, I’d be playing more sports and being more in the ‘in’ ground since he was pretty popular. Although, being with him, I’d be less respectful for the fact that he wasn’t as respectful as Maya. Me being innocent and unshaped, any of these two could shape me in any way they wanted. Going back to the choice that, in reality only took about five seconds, I finally warmed up to say that Ira did not in fact tag Maya, and that he was safe. That being said, Ira left angry and Maya wanted to play with me afterwards. We all still stayed friends, but I guess Ira didn’t see me as “agreeable” with him with things, so he stopped playing as much as he did before with us.
That day on, Maya and I drew together and stayed in the classroom or empty benches alone. Sometimes we’d play in the playground during recess, but moreover, we drew. Because I stood with him, my morals grew and I became a nice person learning off of him. He left around 7th grade, so I was on my own for a while. I found some friends in 8th grade who were annoying and made me question life as to who my friends are. I was lost and had no idea who I was since Maya left, as he was one of the only people I ever hung out with. Throughout high school though, it didn’t get any better. My life spiraled into a dark depression where I was lost, and still very innocent with those eyes I used to have finally seeing why things happen the way they do. And by the time I thought it was all just garbage, and that life was just something you play, but keep losing in, I met someone Junior year. She was alone at a table drawing during Art class, that we both took but I never noticed her till, and I asked her to come over to my table since I felt that she didn’t deserve to be alone. After getting to know her, I automatically just grew incautious with her. This all happened out of nowhere, and I even confessed the day I realized I was, but I never stopped liking her. And since then till today, I met the love of my life who also loves to draw and has a large moral standard to herself and others. I’ve become more emotional and alive off of being alone and drawing by myself before I met her, and I’m extremely happy, with how my life, formed off of that choice, is going. Aside from a lot of exceptions where life was very depressing. Although, had I not chose Maya, I would of never found great friends and the love of my life. But could my view of love had been different and would I be equally as happy in retrospect? I’ll never know. But what I do know is, “I live my life with no regret. I live and I learn, forgive and forget.”
